I was thinking about how relationships get started. How people get together. How they decide to go from zero to serious, or from zero to friends to serious, or whatever.
I see a lot in the media what draws a lot of people together is sadness, lonliness, hurt, vulnerability.
When someone shows their vulnerability, it tends to be that one of two things happen:
1) The vulnerable person gets taken advantage of and used.
2) The vulnerable person attracts someone towards them who they then use to soothe and nurture their hurts.
Sometimes it's a combination of both. In fact, generally it IS a combination of both - a user is attracted to someone who wants to be used, but the one who is used is also using the user because being used feels good in some twisted ways when we're really messed up and in pain inside.
My learning from this thought is that going with my instinct to be repulsed by a man who shows vulnerability as a way to bring me closer to him... is the RIGHT thing to do.
I'm not a user, and I'm not looking to be used so someone can BE used and then feel badly about it.
Now, to figure out what I say when I realize someone is trying to use vulnerability or sadness or whatever as a way to draw me closer...
"Sounds like you need to find someone to talk to about that."
And if he thinks that's an invite to talk to ME...
"Sorry, I'm a technical consultant, not a therapist"
And if he wants to get my technical help...
"Sure! $75 an hour, there's a Paypal link on our website, you can reserve 5 or 10 hours of consulting time there"
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