Old Habits Die Hard

One thing about learning new theories and strategies for handling the wide variety of social situations we find ourselves in is this:

It takes a short amount of time to learn a new concept, but assimilation of that concept into our habits and reactions can sometimes take weeks, months or years.

Habits such as what has repeatedly caught our interest in a person and encouraged us to move closer are no different.

Once we learn concepts like codependency, covert contracts and victim pukes, it may feel somewhat easy to curb these behaviors in ourselves, and we may begin to coach others around us (with our healthier boundary setting) about the concepts, but one thing it took me years to consider looking at was how these concepts influenced my habits surrounding the selection of social partners - whether just friends, or intimate partners.

I realized that the "types" of guys that I had found attractive back before I learned these concepts are now NOT AT ALL the types of guys I want to attract.

Not that Geeks and Nerds are BAD, persay, but that the particular ones I was gravitating towards were exactly the guys who would use Covert Contracts and Victim Pukes to try to get their needs me, and who would try to merge themselves with me in a way that was very enmeshed and codependent.

I used to go along with it, before I realized the damage that Covert Contracts, Victim Pukes and generalized Codependency create, long term.

Now I'm changing my habits of attraction. Slowly. By noticing first what attracts me, and then taking that information back into my cave to chew over and ponder about. All with the intent of purposeful attraction of a quality relationship based on healthy boundaries, self-loving, and a mutual desire to share life's ups and downs, drama and comedy.

And I'd really love to attract a guy who has job type that allows him to freely travel around the world. My work can be done from anywhere with a high-speed internet connection, after all.