Why I'm Here

I'm posting here because I have some interesting epiphanies about attraction these days, and I want to store them somewhere semi-anonymous.

I'm female, I'm single, I want an awesome relationship.

From about age 10 until just a few years ago, I remember believing: "Choose the geeks and nerds, the shy guys - they've got hearts of gold and are less likely to just vanish on me".

My first boyfriend wasn't a geek or a nerd. He was forward and direct, and cute and popular. He made it known that he liked me, he endured ribbing from his friends about his forwardness, and I was completely taken off guard and flattered, and followed his lead. Of course, we were 7 years old at the time, and he made his move on me during summer camp while we played hide-and-seek in the evening dusk.

Billy and I were together all that summer, and despite going to different schools and being incredibly young, we saw each other all through the winter, too. I even got a nickname that was a mashed up version of his name and mine for a while.

When Billy broke up with me, it broke my heart.

Not just because he broke up with me, but because he (being 8 years old) broke up with me by announcing in front of everyone that the new girl - the one with one brown eye and one blue eye and who had just moved to town - was his girlfriend, and that he was taking his girlfriend on a ride on his kid-sized motorcycle.

I was embarrassed and extremely hurt, and looking back, I don't think I fully acknowledged the impact of that youthful relationship on my opinions love moving forward until now, as I think about how Billy and I got together way back then.

Because I didn't want to get hurt by another Billy, I turned my attention towards geeks, nerds and shy guys... and away from boys who became social leaders.

I figured that would shield me from the pain of really loving someone and then losing them.

Ha!

It didn't work.

But that's not what this blog is about...